#the best connor mc i know that's right!!!!
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underrated funniest thing in hockey right now is how the capitals players refer to connor mcmichael as "the next one" and "mcjesus"
#it fr makes me laugh EVERY time#the best connor mc i know that's right!!!!#(please ignore the score from the last battle of the connor mcs)#hockey for ts
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Bryce Quinlan
okay. I don’t think I’ve expressed my dislike for the main female of Crescent City enough. Here are my reasons and a little bit of ranting and comparisons.
Bryce Quinlan is SPOILED. She always gets what she wants for the consequences be damned.
Bryce refused Connor for so long only to promise a date THE DAY she breaks up with her boyfriend and he dies.
She acts like Danika couldn’t have kept anything from her and continues to be hurt over it when she was a rebel. Danika had the right to keep things and didn’t do anything wrong.
She ignores everything, not just advice, but common sense. In HOEAB, she basically doesn’t listen to anyone who says anything to her, she also doesn’t shy away from literal demons trying to kill her. (This is a common case of MCS but still.)
she’s a terrible mate. This is shown mostly in HOFAS when she dismisses Hunt over and over again, when his fears are very much valid.
she doesn’t take responsibility. Bryce Quinlan murdered two Fae kings and basically said that she didn’t want the kingdoms and all fae should suffer except her small group of people because of her father. That’s petty.
She doesn’t have a sense of urgency, she turns everything into a joke. And yes I know humor is a coping mechanism but you’re seriously going to stand there and joke about dying to your mate? After treating him like shit, and saying you’d come back to him when you knew you were going to sacrifice yourself, that’s not okay. And yes I know that Rhys basically did the same thing, but he never made such promises.
She is too stubborn to talk about her feelings with her own mate. Her mate begs for communication when she doesn’t give it and expects Hunt to repress his feelings as well. That’s just toxic.
She practically orders the queen of the underworld to make an antidote for a problem that’s been here for about 15,000 years in about an hour. That’s just not realistic.
Those are some reasons in general, but now I’m going to ramble about the first half of HOFAS when she was with Nesta and Azriel.
10. Bryce KNEW she was leading a deadly creature to strangers who were allowing her to live and explore as she pleased. I can’t fathom how angry this made me reading it, not just for the beloved ACOTAR characters having to do it, but it’s just unkind to your very kind captives.
11. Bryce listened to the story of Silene (I think that’s her name) with Azriel and Nesta beside her, and still didn’t trust them. 12. Bryce joked around with them, trying to understand them, but kept herself guarded, while yes, knowing your enemy is a great survival tactic, you could tell they didn’t think of her as a threat. 13. Bryce Adeline Quinlan awakened an Asteri in Prythian (or the prison, idk it’s been a while since ACOTAR.) and she didn’t even know how to kill it. In fact, she couldn’t kill it. Nesta, her badass self, slayed the crowd and the asteri. (not a complaint but I have to add the part where Az legit says ‘stick em with the pokey end!’ Love that part.)
14. After (not) defeating the asteri, she STEALS Azriel’s dagger and LEAVES. One, she stole from shadow baby and that’s never okay, two, she didn’t have plans to return it, and three, she didn’t even know how to wield it.
I also feel like Bryce should have to give something that’s a part of her up. In Feyre’s case, she gave up being human. In Aelin’s case, she gave up 90% (if not more) of her power. But then you have Bryce Quinlan. Around 24 years old, all three parents alive (until book three), and has nothing sacrificed. She should be shot down.
Okay I think I’m done now. But I have to say that after all of this I’d like to point out that I love the Maasverse and Crescent City, but I personally think it would be best without Bryce Quinlan as the main character. Thank you for coming to my Blab-Tok, goodbye.
#bryce quinlan#hunt athalar#acotar#crescent city#cc hofas#hofas#rant#Hate#sjmaas#sjm books#bryce Adeline quinlan#Quinlan#cc#hoeab#hosab#nesta#nesta archeron#azriel shadowsinger#azriel#ranting#asteri#daglan#Cc hoeab#cc hosab#cc 2#cc 3
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Are You Scared...?
Word Count: 4.7k Valen Ebony (ILITW MC) x Connor Green A/N: This is set in alternate universe outside of Val's "canon" where he didn't become the shadow and he's dating Connor.
TRIGGER WARNING: PTSD, dissociation, mentions of self harm
It started off completely innocent.
Connor was out getting some book Abel needed for his research from someone his mom knew, meaning he'd had to go alone which annoyed Val but it wasn't the worst thing that had ever happened to him. He'd been expecting everyone to go home or do their own thing, but instead they'd ordered pizza and migrated to the living room, actually spending time together and talking. It was a little bittersweet for Val. It reminded him of their friends who were all off doing their own things, but he enjoyed getting to know his new friends too.
Then Castor brought up how fun it had been playing Never Have I Ever at the restaurant and it was all downhill from there. They played party game after party game, most of which Jocelyn and Lincoln had to be the ones to explain. Val didn't even remember the name of half of them, but what he did remember was that they were ridiculous, embarrassing, and absolutely fucking hilarious. He was having the time of his life.
"Okay I'm out of shit to say," Lincoln put his hands up.
"Yeah I think that's it for two truths and a lie," Amalia agreed and Abel made an almost whiny groan but smiled when Castor patted his hand.
"Are there even any party games left?" Castor wondered and Val shrugged.
"I didn't go to college, and the only party I got invited to in high school was because the person holding it was blackmailed," Val admitted. "So I've got nothing."
"Actually, you know what, remember that party I went to in college?" Abel brought up. "I ended up too drunk to remember most of it but I do remember this one game we played. I think it was called Are You Scared?”
Abel may have kept talking for all Val knew. He probably did. But as soon as he said those words the whole world froze. They felt like they’d been grabbed by the throat and thrown back in time, back to that horrible night that felt too recent to be as long ago as it was. He couldn’t even see the cabin anymore, couldn’t hear his friends, couldn’t feel the couch under him.
No, what he saw was that cavern, that cruel shadow of a once curious man who dug just a little too deep, his best friend disappearing into darkness only to fall and snap her neck at an unnatural angle. What he heard was a shadowy voice whispering in his ear that “Everyone plays together”, his friends hyperventilating and screaming and sobbing, the ghost of Jane screeching and hissing as she shot his friends into the darkness. What he felt was the point of a knife between his shoulder blades, the cold and hard rocks underneath him, Noah’s blood on his hands.
There was nothing there but his own memories, his own pain, his own fear. He hadn’t played that game since. After all, he’d lose. Yes, he was scared. He was always scared. That darkness in his mind was always lingering, just at the edge of his perception. It was what made him zone out in the middle of a conversation, what made him pick at his scabs, what made him hide from everyone including himself when he was upset, what made Val wake Connor up in the middle of the night with his screams.
Something touched Val’s shoulder, a hand, and he reacted before he thought. He swung his fist and felt it collide, and he heard a grunt of pain. He blinked, hard, as he heard someone saying his name and the cavern was gone, he was back in the cabin. Castor was on the ground, hand held to their nose in a vain attempt to stop the blood leaking from it while Amalia and Abel hovered over them. Lincoln was looking between Cas and Val like he didn’t know where he wanted to be, and Jocelyn stormed right up to Val and shoved him.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Jocelyn demanded, and Val just blinked like a deer in headlights. He looked down at his shaking hands and saw blood on his knuckles. Andy’s blood. Noah’s blood. No, no, this wasn’t Homecoming. It was 2021, homecoming was four years ago. This blood was Castor’s, still Val’s friend, only this time Val was the one who drew it.
“Oh god, Castor, I-I, I’m sorry, I…” Val trailed off with a heavy breath and closed his eyes as they began to burn, warning him of the coming tears. “I-I need some air.”
Without another word Val turned and rushed out the door, walking in a random direction. He didn’t even know where he was going as he just went away, away from people, away from the cabin. He started stumbling around but his legs just kept taking him faster and faster, until he was sprinting through the woods, tears falling down his cheeks and sobs starting to force themselves from his throat. He never ran into anything, even without paying attention he knew these woods better than he knew himself. Although, he didn’t know himself all that well.
Finally, he tripped over something and fell to his knees, skidding a bit on the ground. He tried to take a deep breath as he examined his surroundings; he needed to know where he was, if he got lost and didn’t make it back to the cabin soon Connor would get worried. But when he saw what he tripped over he knew that wasn’t happening.
It was a tree stump. Not just any tree stump. It was a lone tree stump in the middle of a familiar clearing. The clearing in which they found an unconscious, comatose Dan. The clearing where they’d fought for their lives, most of them getting hurt in the process, trying to bind Redfield, only for it to be for nothing because it wasn’t Redfield in the first place. Where Val had gotten slammed into a tree and nearly strangled by one of his best friends, and probably would have died if he hadn’t gotten through to him.
And in that moment, Valen finally broke, alone in the woods, where his mind never really left.
**********
Connor knew he lived with a strange group of people (boyfriend included) and the rest of his friend group was even stranger. But after hours of dealing with some annoying politician he didn’t even want to talk to in the first place, he was not expecting to come home to all of his friends (boyfriend not included) panicking in his yard.
"Woah woah woah, what's going on?" Connor asked as he approached the group and they all turned to face him with matching looks of horror and guilt. "Castor, is your nose bleeding? And where's Val?"
"We don't know," Castor admitted.
"What do you mean you don't know?!"
"Look, we were all hanging out and playing a bunch of party games," Amalia explained. "We were trying to pick a new one and Val just froze and didn't react to anyone talking to him until Castor touched him and he punched them in the nose, and ran off into the woods."
Connor frowned a little. Val wouldn't just freeze for no reason, and DEFINITELY wouldn't punch someone for no reason, especially a friend. Something must have happened, he just wasn't sure what.
"Okay explain to me what happened, exactly, in detail," Connor said, and Abel stepped up to continue the explanation.
"We had been playing two truths and a lie but we were running out of things to say so we were trying to think of another game," Abel elaborated. "I brought up a game I learned in college called Are You Scared? and-"
"You WHAT?!" Connor exclaimed and Abel's eyes widened in shock. "Oh shit. No wonder he freaked out and ran. We have to find him, now, being alone in the woods is not a good idea for him right now, especially if Noah finds him. Normally I’d say we should split up, but the woods are too dangerous for that at night. Lincoln, Amalia, Castor, you stay here though in case he comes back.”
“No way, I’m coming,” Castor shook their head.
“He just punched you, Cas,” Abel pointed out, and Castor just shook their head again. Connor sighed, too tired and too worried to argue.
“How are we supposed to search the entire woods for one guy in the middle of the night?” Jocelyn questioned, and Connor sighed.
“Don’t worry, I have an idea of where to start,” Connor muttered before he turned in the direction he and Val both knew, even if they never traveled there.
Castor, Abel, and Jocelyn followed Connor into the woods, through a route he wished he didn’t know in the first place. He didn’t really think Val would’ve gone there, but it was the first place he could think of to check. Val knew these woods too well to get lost in some random clearing in the middle of nowhere.
“So…” Castor prompted.
“So?” Connor looked at the Anchor over his shoulder.
“You seem like you know what happened,” Castor continued and Connor nodded.
“Of course I do,” Connor confirmed.
“You gonna tell us, Green?” Jocelyn pushed too.
Connor hesitated, not sure it was really for him to tell. Val didn’t like to talk about what happened to them. The only reason the group knew was because of its relevance to the Power and Noah. But, well, they did already know. It was just this one detail and he felt like at least Castor deserved to know why they got punched.
“You guys know what happened to Val and their friends when they were kids,” Connor began. “How their friend and Noah’s sister, Jane, died because they made friends with Redfield and he killed Jane to make her take his place. Well they were really friends, like they played together in the woods and around the ruins, but they never went in the house until the night Jane died. They decided to play Are You Scared? And Jane became the new monster.”
“Brittney’s party,” Jocelyn realized. “That’s why Stacy and Noah didn’t play. And why Val freaked so badly when Cody got in his face.”
“Yeah,” Connor sighed. He remembered that night, how terrified Val had been. “And it just gets worse from there. Jane becoming the monster during the game and them having the rule of everyone playing together made a new set of rules. The night of homecoming, when Noah became the monster, Jane forced them to play the game again.”
“God…” Abel muttered. “If I’d known I never would’ve suggested it.”
“It’s not your fault,” Castor quickly assured him, and Connor was pretty sure he took the taller man’s hand. “You didn’t know, none of us did.”
“Val isn’t going to blame you either,” Connor added and Abel nodded, though he didn’t look convinced.
“Where are we going?” He asked instead, changing the subject.
“The ruins,” Connor answered.
Just as he said it the trees thinned and they stepped out into the clearing holding the crumbling ruins. They fanned out and searched every rock, tree, and shadow for Valen but came up empty. Connor hadn’t really thought he’d be there, but he’d been hoping he was so they didn’t have to search the entire woods because he was getting more and more worried with each passing moment.
Connor knew Val was hurting, and he knew Val was hiding it. Val hated the vulnerability that came with letting people help him, believing the only one that should take care of him was himself. Connor was lucky he was able to comfort Val after a nightmare, but even then it was only until Val could regain his bearings, and then he’d just shove it down with everything else and get ready for the day or go back to sleep or worse, throw himself into some monster hunt or research. He wasn’t surprised that all of that finally caught up with him.
It was hard, sometimes, the way Val shut him out. He sometimes had to remind himself that it wasn’t him, it was what they did to everyone, but it still sucked. It hurt to see the love of his life suffering, constantly, and not being able to help. Not because there was nothing he could do, but because Val just wouldn’t let him. He understood why they did it, with everything with their parents he’d be more surprised if they didn’t. But God it just, it fucking hurt.
“He’s not here,” Jocelyn said what they were all thinking and Connor sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“We could ask Noah?” Castor suggested. “If anyone can find Val he can.”
“No,” Connor shook his head. “Val is stuck in his past, having a shadow monster come at him will just make it worse, even if its Noah.”
“Val…sad?”
Connor turned around at the familiar whispery voice and saw Noah hovering there at the edge of the clearing uncertainly, like he was scared to get too close to the ruins. Connor sighed and approached the ghost.
“Yeah, Noah, Val’s sad,” Connor answered. “He’s out here in the woods somewhere but we’re gonna find him, don’t worry.”
“...I help…?” Noah offered with an earnestness Connor wasn’t used to seeing from him. Connor gave him a sad smile.
“Not his time buddy, you might scare him,” Connor explained.
“Oh…” Noah deflated, his glowing blue eyes turning a grayish blue instead. “I say…hello?”
“I’ll tell him you said hi,” Connor confirmed and Noah nodded before fading into the shadows without any further ado.
“Can you think of anywhere else he could have gone?” Abel asked and Connor stuffed his hands in his pockets as he thought about it.
“I think he told me once he used to live right on the edge of the woods, could he have gone back to his old house?” Castor wondered and Connor shook his head immediately.
“No, he’d never go back there,” Connor answered. “The only other specific places I can think of out here are the cabin and, oh shit, the clearing.”
“There’s a lot of those in the woods,” Jocelyn pointed out.
“No, the clearing where they found Dan,” Connor elaborated. “Come on.”
Connor once again lead the way through the woods, just hoping he remembered the way to the clearing, hoping Val was there, hoping they were safe, hoping he was okay, just, hoping for so many things and worrying about the same amount, so much so that it took him a few minutes to hear the sobs, and when he did he stopped walking immediately.
“What-” Abel started and Connor shushed him.
The other three stopped and followed his order to keep quiet, all of them straining their ears to listen. And they heard it, a heavy sobbing, the kind that ripped itself from your chest and made your ribs and lungs ache as you forced more air out than you could inhale.
“Val,” Castor breathed and Connor swallowed.
“Stay here, please,” Connor pleaded. Not only would Val be overwhelmed with all these people but Connor knew Val wouldn’t want anyone seeing him like this. The others nodded their agreement, though reluctantly in Castor’s case, and Connor followed the sounds of the sobs until he could feel his heart break as he stepped into the clearing.
Val was next to the stump on the ground, on their knees but curled up into a ball so tightly his forehead nearly met the ground. He was gripping his own wrists against his chest and his whole body shook with his sobs, so much so Connor was surprised he hadn’t fallen over.
“Val?” Connor tried to get his attention so he didn’t scare him, but his boyfriend didn’t react, so he tried to get closer. He got a few feet away before Val let out a gasp and stumbled to his feet and backed away from Connor, arms raised as if to protect himself, eyes clenched shut.
“No no no, get back, leave me alone!” Val begged and Connor’s heart fell into his stomach. He’d never heard Val truly beg like this.
“It’s just me, baby,” Connor said gently and Val paused. “It’s just me.”
“Connor?” Val asked hesitantly and opened his eyes to look at him. He looked awful, eyes red and swollen from crying, face splotchy, hands shaking and sleeves rolled up and…oh no was that blood?
“Y-yeah,” Connor forced his eyes from Val’s wrists, swallowing down tears of his own. Damn it, he should’ve been here! He should’ve come here first, not the ruins. Hell, he shouldn’t have gone to get that book in the first place. Val relaxed ever so slightly and leaned against a tree, sliding down it to sit on the ground. Connor sat down in front of them as Val wiped their face.
“God, I look pathetic,” Val muttered and tugged down his sleeves. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for?” Connor asked, more confused than anything.
“This,” Val gestured around vaguely only to wince and let his arm fall again.
“For getting upset?” Connor checked and Val’s eyes fell to his hands in his lap as he nodded. “Sweetheart, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I punched Castor,” Val pointed out and Connor paused.
“Okay, yeah, try not to punch anyone anymore,” Connor admitted and Val snickered a little. “But you’re allowed to get upset and get triggered by shit.”
“Triggered?” Val tilted his head in confusion.
“Like when something triggers emotions and memories related to your trauma?” Connor replied and Val just stared at him blankly. “Do you ever listen to Dan?”
“I listen to Dan all the time!” Val protested. “When he’s not trying to give me therapy.”
“Of course,” Connor sighed and rolled his eyes.
He put his hands out and Val hesitated but slowly put his hands in Connor’s. Connor immediately turned them over and tugged his sleeves back down. Val tried to yank his hands back but Connor gave him a look and he slumped his shoulders in defeat. It didn’t look like anything damaging, more like Val had scratched the skin just enough. Connor pulled a small cloth from his pocket that he always kept on hand for little injuries like this and dabbed at the blood. It looked like they weren’t actively bleeding anymore but Connor planned to patch them up fully when the two of them got back to the cabin.
For a few minutes they just sat in silence while Connor took care of Val’s wrists, but there was a tension to it. Connor didn’t know what to do. He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to take care of Val, to ask questions, to handle him with the love and care he deserved, even though he knew Val wouldn’t let him. And that fact made him want to snap, he wanted to scream and yell at Val to let him help damn it, in the hope that it would finally get it through their head that he needed to talk about this shit, to do something other than just ignore it until he drew blood. But none of those things would help right now. So he just sat in silence until Val spoke up.
“You can yell at me,” Val muttered. “I can tell you want to.”
“I’m not going to yell at you,” Connor sighed. He pulled Val’s sleeves back down to hopefully protect the wounds from any more dirt and then shifted his grip so he was holding Val’s hands in his. “I’m just frustrated, baby. You can’t just keep shutting this all down until it explodes out of you like this. It isn’t healthy, for you or for anyone around you.”
“I know,” Val squeezed their eyes shut and his grip tightened on Connor’s hands. “God, I know.”
“Then let me help you,” Connor pleaded. Yet Val still shook their head. “Why? Why do you keep shutting me out like this?! This isn’t fair Val! Every time something happens to me you’re right there to help me through it, but God forbid something happens to you and you’re as much of a ghost as Noah. Maybe more because at least Noah will actually fucking talk to me!”
“I know,” Val whispered again as a tear managed to escape his eyes and Connor froze. Val quickly wiped it away but Connor had already seen it.
“I’m sorry, I just said I wouldn’t yell,” Connor sighed. “I’m just worried about you. I’m always worried about you because you don’t let me help you. I never know what’s going on with you because you don’t let me in. Is it something I did?”
“What?” Val looked up at him in shock., “No! No, no you didn’t do anything wrong. You, God, you’re perfect, Connor. Too perfect. After all of this shit you’re still kind and open and honest and loving and I’m just…I’m not. I’m not okay Connor. I haven’t been okay since I was six. I push you away because, because I don’t want you to see h-how broken I really am. I want you to see the man you fell in love with, not whatever twisted and shattered thing I really am.”
Connor wasn’t proud of it, but he was silent for a few minutes too long. That caught him off guard. He knew Val didn’t have the highest opinion of himself. But the idea that he truly saw himself as some thing instead of the beautiful, good man Connor saw him as? It blew his mind, and it broke his heart. How could he look at himself and not see all the things Connor loved about him? In his lack of reaction Val must have assumed the worst as he took his hands from Connor and looked off to the side at the ground, jaw clenched. The movement pulled Connor from his thoughts and back to the man on his mind. He reached over but instead of taking his hands again he cupped Val’s cheek, gently tilting his head back to look at him. Val’s jaw slowly unclenched as he leaned into Connor’s palm and looked up at him with so much love and trust and hope.
“Valen Ebony,” Connor began as he brought his other hand to cradle Val’s other cheek. “You are the man I love. Not some fantastical, perfect version of you. I fell in love with a kind, beautiful, smartass boy who became the strongest man I’ve ever met. I fell in love with a guy who holds me when I’m sad, who helps me with anything I need, who sits and watches my sitcoms even though he thinks the jokes are bad, who has no fucking idea what I’m talking about when I talk cars and shit but listens anyway, who refuses to admit that he loves stuffed animals despite the collection in our closet. But I also fell in love with a guy who’s too stubborn to budge in an argument, who will drive himself into the ground until I have to physically force him to eat and shower. A guy who steals all my pepperonis right off my pizza, who refuses to admit he’s a massive blanket hog, and never brings a jacket anywhere despite being cold all the damn time.”
Val chuckled and Connor gave him a small smile before continuing.
“I know you’re in pain,” Connor admitted. “I know you have more trauma than I can even fathom. And I know that’s going to come up no matter what we do. But you shutting me out like that doesn’t protect anyone, it just hurts us both.”
“I don’t know what else to do,” Val confessed, voice so quiet it could barely be considered a whisper.
“Talk to me,” Connor answered. “Don’t hide from me when you feel like this. Let me hold you, or listen to you, or whatever it is you need. I want to help, sweetheart.”
“Okay,” Val took a deep breath and met his eyes. “I can’t promise anything. But I can try.”
“That’s all I ask, honey,” Connor grinned and kissed Val’s forehead which got him the most adorable giggle he’d ever heard. He stood up and offered Val his hand. “Let’s get you home, okay?”
Instead of taking his hand Val held both arms up and made grabby hands at him. Connor pretended to sigh but he laughed as he picked Val up by his waist. Val proceeded to wrap his arms around Connor’s shoulders and his legs around his waist like a koala. Connor wasn’t even surprised, just held him close as he headed back into the woods.
********
Val hid his face in Connor’s shoulder as the older man carried him out of the clearing and a few minutes into the woods. He felt him stop and he heard people talking, but he was nowhere near ready to face people or the outside world after what just happened.
Connor’s words kept ringing in his head. He was right, Val knew he was right. And he felt awful for all of it. He felt even worse that he couldn’t just, fix it. Val may ignore a lot about himself, but he knew something he’d been doing since Jane’s death wasn’t something he could just fix overnight because Connor asked him to. It was going to be hard and it was probably going to suck. But maybe, maybe it would be good too.
It didn’t take them too long to get back to the cabin and Connor went to take Val right to their room, but Val leaned up.
“Wait,” Val muttered and Connor paused. “Put me down for a second.”
“You sure?” Connor checked quietly. “You don’t have to talk to anyone if you don’t want to.”
“Yes I do,” Val shook his head. He slid from Connor’s arms to the floor and approached Castor. “Cas, I’m so sorry. I was so stuck back in that damn cave I didn’t realize it was you. I thought I was being attacked or something, and I just reacted.”
“It’s okay, man,” Castor put their hands in their pockets and gave Val a shrug and a lopsided smile. “Trust me that is not the worst thing that’s happened to me trying to comfort someone in this cabin.”
“THAT WAS ONE TIME!” Amalia protested from the living room and both Castor and Val laughed.
“Still,” Val insisted. “If it happens again, feel free to punch back.”
“Deal,” Castor laughed. “Now get out of here.”
“Okay Mom I’m going,” Val grumbled and turned around.
Connor led him back to their room with an arm around his waist and the two of them ended up getting changed and ready for bed, Val held snugly against Connor’s chest. It was safe and warm, and something Val would have to ask for even more than he already got it.
In the morning Val woke up first, though it was still almost ten in the morning. He considered just laying there until Connor woke up, or even going back to sleep but he stopped himself. He had things to do first.
He knew working on that and letting himself be vulnerable with someone was going to be hard, but he meant that promise to Connor. No matter how much it fucking sucked he was going to try as hard as human or inhumanly possible. Connor may have been the one to give his big speech, but God Val loved him with everything he had. There was nothing Val wouldn’t do for him.
So he slipped out of Connor’s arms and grabbed his phone off the charger before he snuck out to the kitchen where, thankfully, no one was. He was still in his pajamas as he leaned against the counter and stared at the button on his phone. Come on Val. Just press it. For Connor.
He pressed it, and the phone started ringing.
“Hey Dan. I know, I know, it’s been too long, I’m working on it. But in the meantime…what trauma counselors do you know nearby?”
#playchoices#choices#pixelberry#val ebony#it lives in the woods#it lives anthology#it lives within#ilitw#ilw#ila#ilitw mc#connor green#connor green x mc
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every noah marshall fanfic
under the cut are all the noah marshall fanfics i could find. all respective authors are credited—and massive thanks for their works <3 (and if you'd like me to take it off this list pls lmk!) ps — lmk if i missed some and feel free to tag me in any new fics !
key [editor’s note] ★ personal fav (BUT THEY ARE ALL GOOD NOAH STANS ARE FR TALENTED)
a promise by @heartofarcanum
It was no one’s fault really. It was this thing that lived in the woods. This force, this power, corrupting souls left and right. It had ruined lives for centuries, but Jamie wasn’t about to let it ruin Noah’s any further.
★ a seed planted by @galpalaven
In that little bit of time before everything came crashing down, they did make a memory or two. Or, alcohol and high school bullies can make for a nice night, once in a blue moon.
after everything by pinkiegladysgutzman
Noah gives an update on how Connor's doing. Takes place after It Lives Beneath. For everyone who chose Connor because Noah wasn't an option.
as orpheus to eurydice by galpalaven
A story fit for the temples of Ancient Greece and the campfires on the battlefields of Rome, Noah Marshall does the impossible for the only person he's ever truly loved. Noah brings his best friend back from the dead, and lives to tell the tale.
★ brown eyes and cheap whiskey by anonymous :(
Devon still hates whiskey, and always will. It’s just that.. it’s taste is sweeter, somehow, after it’s passed through Noah’s lips.
★ despair by linkysmommy
Noah experiences the emotional aftermath of MC sacrificing herself to save him and Jane.
everything i couldn’t see before by @hold-me-tight-big-boat
This started as a little drabble based on the soulmate au that the world is black and white until you meet your soulmate then quickly turned into something I could imagine as possibly the introduction for It Lives Book Three. I took the idea that it’d take place in the mountains and kinda ran with it. Seeing as it’s possible for both MCs from book one and two to be dead, there’s also a new MC.
★ green light by @stayfallentasticc
Noah sees a familiar face in art class; a face he knows all so well.
head over heels for you by @stunningstans
Takes place during the development of Noah and MC’s relationship. Basically, it’s just fluff.
★ i bet you look good on the dancefloor by @cryinginthebackseat
She rolled her eyes. “You heard me the first time, Marshall. Pretty please? Come on, consider this as our way to celebrate Redfield’s defeat!” Jesus, since when did he celebrate something in general? And now to dance? Amongst the crowd and with her no less? Noah’s head said hard no, he already had a myriad of thoughts in his mind right now, he couldn’t afford getting distracted and when there were feelings in the way, he feared if he couldn’t trust himself to keep his emotion in check. Yet his heart said otherwise. This was Zoey, Noah could never deny her. He would never deny her anything, especially when this could be their last moment on good terms together.
if only by stayfallentasticc
(Written in Noah’s Perspective) Noah finds himself falling for his best friend, but finds himself in denial. How will he react when he confirms MC is dating someone else?
it lives again by a_sprinkle_of_glitter
last year, dollie sacrificed herself for noah and jane marshall in the hopes of putting an end to the terror in westchester. after a year of nightmares and running from his mistakes, noah has come home. haunted by the memory of his sister and the girl he betrayed (or maybe they're actually haunting him. he doesn't know anymore), he's determined to set things right. he wants to find a way to bring her back, but he'll settle for releasing her from whatever power holds her and giving her rest.
ilitw fic by @it-lives-in-westchester
This is how I personally think MC and Redfield!Noah first meeting went.
★ it lives in the woods by machinehead
[retelling with noah as love interest]
★ it lives in the woods by @lovelahela
[retelling with noah as presumed li]
it lives everywhere (a collection of it lives au fics) by nitelunne
it lives within us: an it lives retelling by nitelunne
★ juxtaposed with you by @moonydaydreams
Lighting never strikes in the same place twice, but a second chance does. Even for someone like Noah Marshall.
late nights by @rainesclan
After an argument between the group, Noah stops by late one night to brainstorm with MC (Kayleigh) about the situation with Redfield.
lighthouse by stayfallentasticc
[dan x noah x mc] Stacy gives Noah the advice to tell Her. He figures he will one day, just not today. Soon after, he finds out - he should’ve.
★ like happiness by @livesbeneath
she assumes that’s what he’s practicing now; recipes he’s perfected a hundred times over. in this respect, good enough will never be good enough for him. he has more drive than most give him credit for, and without that drive, baby jane’s would be nothing more than a thought scribbled down on a notepad.
lost and found by anonymous
"What do you want from me?!" he shouts. "Why can't I just let you go?" You don't want to let her go, the better part of him says. You know what you have to do.
★ once, twice, forever (although nothing ever lasts that long) by @yawninginf
And while the shadows might still be the same, their inhabitant has changed. And this monster can still recognize the gaze piercing through its darkness. Those eyes… They're familiar. aka: time after that fateful night of homecoming barely passed, until mc (female Devon) returned to find what remained of the one left behind
★ percolating gently by @slothgiirl
au in which jane marshall lives and mc and noah and jane run off to live happily ever after a family of three
pricks and needles by stayfallentasticc
Follows immediately after the end of the latest chapter. MC discovers that Redfield was Jane all along. Will Noah succumb to the darkness that beckons him? Or will MC manage to help him?
★ six feet between by livesbeneath
to be caught trespassing in a cemetery is bad enough without a preceding criminal record. he knows visiting westchester is risky, and that being out in the open isn’t the smartest idea, but he finds it somewhat therapeutic, maybe in a sickening way, to occasionally come full circle after his stops at the ruins.
★ sharp objects by livesbeneath
noah attempts to avoid bringing feelings to light as the gang marches on redfield a final time.
toss your dirty shoes (in my washing machine heart) by slothgiirl
[connor x mc x noah] mc is planning her wedding to connor and things happen. good things.
★ the end of all things by livesbeneath
it’s three am, and her laugh is in his head. it almost makes him want to live.
the night devon died by @pixelberryjungkook
[drabble] This is a little account of the night Devon died and took Jane's place (from the perspective of Noah).
the time that came between (+part 2) by linkysmommy
What happened to Noah after Jazmyn Park sacrificed herself and he fled Westchester?
the train ride home is invalid by stayfallenstasticc
[dan x mc x noah] Dan and MC have been dating for quite some time. However, after a football game, Noah decides to tell Dan something important (that he has feelings for MC).
the road that leads to you by stayfallentasticc
[dan x mc x noah // mainly a dan/mc fit but there are some good noah mc crumbs, such as “Noah’s face brightens, a flash of happiness that Dan hasn’t seen before evident in his face.”] The development of Dan and MC’s relationship; a deeper look into how Dan falls for MC and MC as a whole. The green, red lights and stop signs of their relationship.
someday by nocturnalknight
Jun confesses. Noah runs. Neither of them can escape their demons, or forget about each other. The span of a years-long yearning.
weekends in westchester by @twyrinehaze
Noah and Devon through 3 different Saturdays, and 3 different years.
what if this storm ends (and i don’t see you) by @zekedorian
set in chapter 14, when the gang is on their way to confront redfield for the final time.
you will never walk alone by @noahpologiste
Right after chapter 8, “Breakdown.”
desperately, desperately by leovaldezismycomfortcharacter
Devon finds it hard to breathe while his friends argue.
friends by @robbiessutcliffe
After Alexei sacrificed himself to take Jane’s place, Noah felt that it was his fault. So a year later, he finds himself going back to the woods. This has been going on for a while, but one day… He's spotted.
forever by @littlebirdofprey
Set before the beginning of It Lives In The Woods during the end of their junior year, Victor wants to reconnect with Noah but doesn't know how.
judas’ kiss by @professor-abeloved
After years of fighting for his life, you finally see him—your best friend, made blood and flesh and bone once more. The reason you've working non-stop for years; the reason your heart beats in anticipation, waiting for the day his own comes to life. The reason the rest of your friends are dead.
of what was everything by littlebirdofprey
Trying anything and everything to help keep Noah as much himself as possible, Victor plays Noah some of his favourite music.
the misfortunes of shadow boy by paperdreams123
Fletcher Blackwood knows that he is still in there, somewhere. And that is all he needs.
the only way is forward by littlebirdofprey
set during ch.19 of It Lives Within. Victor tries to cheer up Noah about food not tasting right since his resurrection
there for you by robbiessutcliffe
Things have been getting harder for Noah at home with everything going on… So who better to go to than his most trusted friend, Alexei?
snowflake kisses by professor-abeloved
Devon's first time in the snow again, was both a familiar memory and a strange dream, realer than anything in the past few months. (It's as if the more things changed, the more they stayed the same.)
run boy run by robbiessutcliffe
This talks about the ending of ILITW, after MC (named Alexei, in this) sacrifices themself.
we lived by dvnlln
you’re not alone by writerofdoom
Noah attempts to reconcile with the one person he hurt the most.
a collection of fics written by @julia-highstorms
★ home is six feet under by stayfallentasticc
Noah can sense whenever MC (you) is upset. You find solace in the safety in his arms, but you can’t shake off the feeling in the pit of your stomach.
live. die. repeat. by slothgiirl
★ maybe together we can get somewhere by slothgiirl
the gang finds out noah is alive. he and mc have built a life together while no one was paying attention
★ nothings going to take you from my side by slothgiirl
in which mc deals with the fallout of redfield/jane all while reconnecting with the boy they thought they’d lost forever.
take a deep breath baby by slothgiirl
Noah figures out how to make things right.
the one where mc communes with her ghost boyfriend noah by @slothgiirl
★ the one where noah marshall saves mc by slothgiirl
things you said with too many miles between us by @shreyamistry
through the trees by stayfallentasticc
Noah and MC have drifted apart, will the confrontation leave both sides with answers.
realizing you’ve fallen in love by shreymistry
Here I bring to you, Ava, Andy, Stacy, Lucas, Lily, Noah, and Dan x MC mini fics!
★ what could have been us by xclipsx
A collection of Noah X MC draft fanfics, I've been keeping ever since the book ended. whistle me a silent memory There’s so much you wish you could tell them. How much you wished to hear Jane’s laughter one last time. How much you wished to tell Noah just how you felt about him for 12 years. be my endgame Confessing how you feel about your bestfriend turned stranger is kinda hard. Not to mention you're both tired, depressed and awkward around each other. Damn, when can ya'll have a break? “To lay my life for you in a heartbeat. So, what I’m trying to say is that you, Noah Marshall, are my best friend, my most trusted confidant, my rock, my world, my endgame.” ★ rest and peace Relationship established. Kiss Noah Marshall. Fall asleep. In which you stay at home, down with the sickies and Noah tries to be a good best friend but with kisses. [ps. when you're done, listen to this song. thank me later.]
valentine’s day by shreymistry
How you spend Valentine’s Day together.
again by swansongdive
Tunia Vance didn't believe that the boy wandering around in a red beanie was a murderer. Even as she talks to the ghost of his victim, she doesn't believe it.
★ amen, amen by @littlecrookedheart
[psychological fiction] This takes place 14 years after Jane’s death and roughly 5 years after the events in ILITW. Noah is 22 years old.
another memory by andytomoichi
In the woods, the only thing easier than time to lose track of was memory.
dead and gone by @itspixelberrychoicestime
Being the only one alive, Noah has to face everything he caused. So, what did he do? He ran.
deep run by livon
Sometimes small towns are normal and then sometimes, there are vampires.
ghost pizzas by @skyecrandall
[male mc] Noah believes that they should try and tame Jane. But will it all go according to plan?
ilitw reunion fic by it-lives-in-westchester
ILITW Gang meets Redfield!Noah again after the events of It Lives Beneath. It's awkward as hell but what did everyone expect
meet me by the woods by forestfire34720
“Meet me by the woods. One hour. Tell no one. There’s something you all need to see.” In which Andy, Dan, Stacy, Lucas, Ava, and Lily learn that one friend isn’t quite so unforgivable and another friend may be dead but isn’t lost yet.
the thing about grief by @edeanglory
a look into noah marshall’s grief
lame excuses by somethinginwater
[drabble] “You use, don’t you?”
★ promises by it-lives-in-westchester
Noah gets caught after attempting to vandalize a house when he was 12, and he has to deal with the consequences idk what else to summarize as it is.
★ seven by anonymous
He sits alone. Thinking. Thinking far too much. He taps his finger on the table. Sighs. Stares into his coffee, an abyss. One year ago today, seven lives were lost. And he has the blood of all seven on his hands.
untitled? by shreyamistry
Stacy beats Noah the fuCK up! And rest the gang is present. Except for Redfield MC who is in the ruins being sad and lonely and well dead.
anymore i may have missed
⤷ https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Noah%20Marshall/works
#noah marshall#noah x mc#noah marshall fanfic#noah x mc fanfic#it lives in the woods#oh god this took forever LMAO#nm
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Connor for the send me a character ask 👀
FIRST IMPRESSION
Have to preface this with the fact that I was really into baseball six or seven years ago when mcdavo was winning art ross number like. One or two. This was about 2016 or 2017 and i had the thescore app and I was looking at their simple ranked stats because i was bored, and instead of staring at the baseball ones over and over again I poked around on the other sports. I was not yet a leafs fan (born and raised in toronto so like, you support the leafs, but i wasn’t what i am now) and i looked at the points rankings and there was this annoying little orange background man in first. He had a nice 100 points and nobody else had that. And I was annoyed because I didn’t like that this Edmontonian fucker was doing better than anyone else. In retrospect it is very funny that my Oilers Hate Campaign is older than my actual hockey fandom.
IMPRESSION NOW
I have a lot of thoughts about Connor. I strongly disagree with the boring-sayers. He is not boring; he’s stiff and bland on camera out of both intention and The Tism and clearly has a lot actually going on once the panopticon is looking away (oxymoron statement but u know). Obviously he’s best in the world type whatever beat but thats like. The least interesting thing abt him. Dude is SO haunted it’s like you took a good portion of the sort of hockey curse an entire team typically develops and then dropped it right on his head like some sort of cartoon piano. But he is blissfully oblivious to the genre and is tragically determined to power through.
I think he’s kind of spineless ultimately and this is what makes him say such vanilla things and let himself get so thoroughly and obviously managed by lk1 and stuff. but also that he is very single-minded and knows what he wants and is unafraid to pursue that at the cost of neglecting everything else in his life. Which is a pretty self-destructive habit when you have curses and whatnot but again, completely unaware of that, so he’s just barreling head-on towards the void, head down skates pumping
His edges are decent but he’s a speed skater by trade far more than a figure skater… jason brown could win 5 art rosses but connor mcdavid could NEVER do riverdance!!!
Completely unrelated to my thoughts on connor at all but the endless font of ohl bodies and the churning mill of eteri girls. It’s the same it’s all the same
FAVOURITE MOMENT
don’t say mccheatgate it’s not worth it--
In all honesty. Either Connor mc lukewarm gay rights statement, the adorable little standbyme video at the draft where it’s him n mitch and dylan and none of them can really sing and they’re all so obviously terrified but trying to cheer each other up bad, or that one ad where they’ve dolled him up and made him act. And he’s like beach chair lounging in the middle of the ice and stuff
IDEA FOR STORY
i think the most ideal thing narratively to happen to davo is Catastrophe. like we all know he has this very rigid and unquestioned worldview because he has never bothered to really look outside what the nhl straighttrack/lauren kyle has planned for him it’s most compelling to just. completely upend that
mccareer changing injury is a good one but ive already seen that one said. i do have this scrap of 9734 floating around thats like. leon gets fridged and he cant live with oilerhood after that so he goes the 1 other place he can stomach himself being (torono) and then falls in deeply toxic-homoerotic-codependency love with am34. and obviously is forced to reconsider his entire worldview about the ticking clock and the impermanency of life and grief and curses and haunting because damn leo you’re supposed to be dead why do i keep seeing u everywhere etc. it is important for my NARRATIVES that mcdavid is widowed and/or divorced
UNPOPULAR OPINION
i realize this one in context to the last sentence makes it look like i hate drai. I do not hate drai drai is the best oiler and his only competition is nuge. That being said.
I had a friend (knows nothing about hockey) and she thinks that connor is hotter than draisaitl. And like. I don’t completely agree. But i mostly do agree. very shallow of me yes i know but davo is CUTE and his cringefail ghost swag is kinda HOT and the long hair/mcjesus flow was SEXY
FAV RELATIONSHIP
bobby orr is a family friend and he knows wayne gretzky quite well because of oilersness and stuff. so im going to say his relationship with All That Came Before is my favourite
2997 close second tho. Get more divorced
FAV HEADCANON
the tism is kind of verging on the nebulously canon but like. Im not going to formally diagnose a man i dont know and enjoy sexualising on the internet so it’s getting put in here
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Fic ideas that I'll never write #... let's say #3
New human detective at the precinct (main character of the story, mc for short)
Ambitious to get ahead on his or her career ladder, but the presense of androids is fucking annoying, it's not a fair competition. Hank is technically assigned as mc's supervisor but for some reason he's far more friendly with this damn android than with mc. Mc is doing their best, trying to outperform plastic detective, even knowing that their chances are slim, but even when mc succeds they are not given this much praise as this...plastic. Jealousy is eating mc alive, making them angry at themselves for not being as equipped as an android, at Connor for being machine and still getting more praise, at Hank for not giving actual human effort nearly as much attention, but just calmly acknowledging it at best. Why the fuck is their supervisor so damn friendly with an android, but not mc? Mc asks around the colleges and everyone basically says them that Hank is just difficult person and not really friendly to anyone. "The android.." mc insists, and they're like "Connor? Oh you had to see the first day he got here. Everybody thought Hank'll kill the guy. God, he hated him."
"It doesn't look like he hates him now"
"You're right...I don't know, I don't think he dislikes you. You're just kinda new, that's all."
"He just prefers plastics to real people"
"That's funny you said it. You see, he used to be the first anti-android here in this precinct. Listen, you're right, I'm not sure when it changed."
Time passes mc notices that their supervisor is not just attached to this android, the thing they have going on is a bit more...personal. Mc stopps being jealous of approval realising that it's not really work-related. Mc starts to take notes on the way these two interact and ridiculous suspicion starts to arise. Is this really what's going on? No fucking way.
The moment mc allows themselves to consider the thought there's no way back. They're detective after all, so why not treat this thing as a little case to solve. No one else seem to suspect a thing, which only gets mc excited. If they find a prove of their suspicion they'll get the chance to change a few things. Fucking hell, they think to themselves, this shit is scandalous.
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In Another Life…
Word Count: 2053
Characters: Lincoln Aquino, ILITW MC
A/N: forgot to post this for @ila-appreciationweek wildcard day, so I’m positing now! This fic features @saibug1022’s ILITW MC, Valen Ebony. This character has unique lore; Lincoln is his half-brother because Matthias fathered him with the intention of potentially using him as an anchor, however neither of them knew any of this until right before the end of ILW. This fic features Lincoln and Val trying to get to know each other and working through their complex feelings following Matthias’s death.
The McQuoid mansion loomed ominously against the shadows of the night sky as Valen Ebony approached it for the first time. He’d never seen this home in all its glory—with its carefully manicured gardens, state-of-the-art furniture, and million-dollar decorations—and he never would. As he peered through the front door, the halls were empty and unwelcoming, nothing but polished tile glinting beneath harsh ceiling lights. Not that Val expected his father’s house to be a welcoming place for him, not when the only reason he existed was to serve as a tool in his father’s hands. But still, the harsh unfamiliarity seemed to cement in Val’s mind what he always knew:
He didn’t belong here. This wasn’t his family. And it never would be.
“Val?”
He looked up at the sound of his name to see Lincoln at the top of the staircase, a big cardboard box balanced in his arms. It was odd to think of him as his brother. He’d known for a few months now, and the two were cautiously trying to get to know one another, but there was still an air of formality between the two of them. Like they should know more about each other than they did, be closer than they were. But as long as Lincoln wasn’t trying to manipulate him or turn him into his personal anchor, Val supposed he could try to let a new family member into his life.
“Hey,” Val said with a wave. “Can I…?”
“Oh yeah yeah, come on in.”
Val stepped over the threshold and into the house. Somehow, it seemed even bigger on the inside. The ceiling arched high above him, and the foyer alone was bigger than Connor’s cabin. Val couldn’t help but gape as he took it all in.
Lincoln chuckled as he came down the stairs. “I guess it’s impressive. But even a place as big and nice as this can become a prison if you share it with the wrong people.”
“A prison, huh?”
Lincoln shrugged and set the box beside the front door. “It wasn’t the best.”
Getting the sense that Lincoln wasn’t particularly interested in dredging up his past—something Val understood all too well—he decided to change the topic. “So, what’s in the box?” he asked.
“Just some old photos and junk I don’t need anymore, but you’re welcome to go through everything before I give it away. I mean, all this shit is as much yours as it is mine.”
“Lincoln. I didn’t come here to try to get free stuff,” Val said with a laugh. “I came to help you sort through this stuff and pack it up.”
“Oh I know.” Lincoln started back up the stairs, beckoning for Val to follow. “But if you’re here anyway, you may as well keep an eye out and see if there’s anything you’re interested in keeping. It’s the least I can do for you, after…” Lincoln trailed off and shook his head. “Just let me know if you like anything.”
When they reached the second floor, Lincoln led Val to a beautiful office. The shelves were halfway emptied, and the floor was scattered with boxes and stacks of books. A polished wood desk sat in the center, a leather chair pushed in beneath it.
“This was his office,” Lincoln said, clapping a hand on one of the empty shelves. “It’s one of the last rooms on this floor that I need to clean out. If I want to keep something, I’ll put it in that box there, but I’ve been getting rid of most things.”
“You’ve been getting rid of everything yourself?” Val asked. “That sounds like a pain in the ass.”
Lincoln shrugged. “Someone has to do it. And now I have you to help. Thanks, by the way.”
Val smiled and ducked his head, unsure how to handle the gratitude. Instead of saying anything, he strolled over to one of the bookshelves that was still stuffed with books and items.
“I’ll start on this end,” he said. “Between the two of us, I’m sure we’ll get through this quickly enough.”
Lincoln nodded in agreement and the room fell silent as each one of the brothers busied himself with his work.
As it turned out, Matthias had a lot of junk. He found trinkets from all around the world, books about the most random subjects Val was sure he’d never actually read, old photographs covered in dust, and more. Nothing was particularly interesting to Val, so he tossed everything into the donation boxes. But when he reached the next row, his eyes caught on a thick leather book with a rounded spine. Unlike the others, it didn’t look mass-produced. It looked unique, personal.
Curious, Val pulled it out from the shelf and flipped it open. It was filled with pictures—and it only took Val a moment to realize they were of Matthias, a younger Lincoln, and a beautiful woman who Val had never seen before.
“Is this your mom?” Val asked, holding up a the book to show a picture of her and Matthias holding baby Lincoln behind a birthday cake.
Lincoln glanced over from where he was going through a stack of books, and his expression softened when he saw what Val was holding.
“I was wondering where that book had ended up.” Lincoln abandoned his stack of books and crossed the room, sitting down on the floor beside Val. “Yep, that’s me and my mom, and Matthias, obviously. I think this was for my first birthday.”
“She looks like she was awesome.”
“Oh, she was,” Lincoln said with a smile. But his smile faded the more he looked at the picture. “She deserved so much more than what she got.”
“What did she see in him, anyway?” Val asked. “I mean, not to be rude, but a guy who was willing to have a son specifically just to sacrifice him must’ve been a walking red flag.”
Lincoln brushed his fingers over the photo, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Even when I thought he hated me, I always could tell he loved her. She saw this side of him that no one else did, not really. I didn’t want to take that from her so I never let her know how bad things were between us.” He let his hand drop back to his side and sighed, leaning back against the shelves. “I thought I was doing her a favor, but now I realize if I’d said something… well, maybe she would’ve left him and she’d still be here.”
Val laid a tentative hand on Lincoln’s shoulder. “That’s not your fault.”
“Maybe not. But it’s still something I can’t help but think about.”
Val dropped his gaze back to the book. The Matthias here looked so kind and warm. In one of the pictures, young Lincoln sat on his shoulders as they both beamed at the camera. In another, he was asleep on a recliner with a sleeping Lincoln sprawled out on his lap. It was hard for Val to reconcile pictures of this man with the man who had tried to murder hundreds, who had conceived him just to kill him, who had hurt Lincoln so much that he’d been cut out from his own son’s life.
“What was he like, as a dad?”
Lincoln snorted. “Shitty.”
“Yeah, I figured that out. But despite what he did and how fucking insane he was, he was technically still my father. I can’t help but be a little curious. Like, look at this.” Val pointed to a picture of Matthias pushing Lincoln in a swing at a park. “I never had experiences like this, you know? He never spent time with me, never played catch with me in the backyard. Never taught me how to put on a tie or drive a car.”
Lincoln opened his mouth as if to respond, but paused when he saw Val’s expression. Then he sighed and crossed his arms, his eyebrows knit together. “I’m sure it wasn’t easy, not having anyone there at all. And I guess that, as bad as he was, not every memory I have with him was terrible.”
Val sat up straighter, his eyes alight with anticipation. He’d never gotten Lincoln to open up like this before, and he wasn’t about to miss a single word.
“When I was really young, we were actually pretty close. He spent a lot of time with me and my mom and was always trying to build me up, to make me believe I was someone special. Of course, that kind of expectation eventually became a burden. He wanted me to be someone I wasn’t, and couldn’t accept it when I didn’t fall into the role he’d imagined for me.”
“Do you miss him?”
Lincoln paused. “I… I shouldn’t. Not after everything he did.”
“I didn’t ask if you should miss him. I asked if you do miss him.”
Lincoln looked down at the photo album, deep emotion swirling in those dark eyes. “In a way, I guess I do. I never wanted to be around him while he was alive, but now that he’s gone, it just means that we’ll never be able to repair the relationship we had. When he was alive, I could always hope that someday, things could be better. But now, our story’s over, and it never got the resolution I’d hoped it would.”
Val nodded. “Yeah, I feel that. It’s not like I actually wanted a relationship with him, but I can’t help but wonder sometimes what it would’ve been like, and it’s something I’ll never know.”
“Honestly though, Val, you’re better off without him in your life at all. The only thing he taught me was to feel like shit and like my life was worthless. All the important things I learned, I either taught myself or learned from my mom.” Lincoln took the book from Val and closed it before setting it in the donation box. Val’s eyebrows lifted, but he didn’t protest. “We can live our life wondering if things might’ve been different someday, but things were the way they were and we can’t change that. Instead of imagining a different future we could’ve had, it’s better to remember people for the way they were.”
“Yeah,” Val said. “I guess you’re right.”
Then, Lincoln abruptly turned and started for the door. “You know what? Come with me. There’s something I want to show you.”
Val got to his feet and followed Lincoln out of the office and back down the main floor. Then Lincoln strolled right out the front door and into the early evening, not stopping until he reached his motorcycle.
“You ever ridden a motorcycle, Val?”
Val’s eyes widened as Lincoln held a helmet out to him. “You—you want me to—”
“You’re not going to drive it, not yet, but I figure we could ease you into it. Our dad may not have taught you shit, but that doesn’t mean that I have to keep up that tradition.” Lincoln took his keys out from his pocket and jangled them out in front of Val. “So what do you say? Wanna go for a ride?”
Val couldn’t stop the grin that stretched across his face. “Hell fucking yes I do.”
Lincoln gave him a small smile and turned to his motorcycle. “Then pay attention. If you want to learn to ride, you’ll need to pass all the tests to get certified. But it’ll be worth it, I promise. And who knows, when you get your license, maybe you and I can go on a cross-country ride together. Make up for the time we never got when we were younger.”
“Yeah,” Val said with a grin. “That would be awesome.”
Lincoln nodded and started pointing out all the parts and meters to pay attention to and what they all meant. Val listened carefully, as if this was the most important information he’d ever heard in his entire life. And when he climbed onto the bike behind Lincoln and took off into the night, he couldn’t help but wonder if this is what it felt like to have a family.
If maybe, just maybe, everything that he’d gone through with Matthias was worth it just to be able to have moments like this with his brother.
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Assigning musicals to the older Demon Brothers
Because I can.
A/N:
I'll try my best to explain why.
Some will have more than others.
If you wanna see this for the others, let me know, I'll see what I can do.
Warnings: suicide on Levi's part.
☆ Lucifer ☆
- Hatestown
This musical is about the tragedy of Orpheus and Euridice (I don't think I spelled those right, but I hope you know what I'm trying to say) it's a pretty good musical, one of my favorites actually. It just gives off a dark academia vibe and I think it fits him well, I also would think he'd watch it.
☆ Mammon ☆
- Hamilton.
A musical about Alexander Hamilton and his life.
I think he would enjoy this on sooo many different levels.
The music, they style, and the story. I also think he'd learn a little something from it.
Later in the week, after watching it, you gave him a quiz on human history he'd pass it because of the musical. The songs stuck in his head helped him memorize the things. (Toooootally not how I passed my history classes through the years)
I think it would be cute if he wanted to learn some of the choreo for you!! He'd also try to learn Guns and Ships for you/with you.
☆ Leviathan ☆
- Be More Chill
It's a geeky/nerdy musical. Talks about navigating high-school and the MC gets a chip inserted via pill to help him become more cool and popular. (Shitty explanation, I'm sorry)
I think Levi would relate to the MC. He's geeky and socially awkward.
Would probably like to have a SQUIP for himself TvT.
- Dear Evan Hansen
A musical about a socially awkward teen boy who doesn't have any friends. He has a rough encounter with his crushes' brother, Connor, that later commits suicide. Connor's parents see that he had taken a letter from Evan that he was writing to himself, think that they are friends, and Evan creates this huge lie around being friends with Connor.
Again, relating to the MC.
Would probably use some the coping mechanisms in this musical to help with his social anxiety. (Writing the letters, for example.)
#musicals#hadestown#alexander hamilton#hamilton#be more chill#dear evan hansen#obey me#obey me!#obey me lucifer#obey me shall we date#obey me leviathan#obey me mammon#om! mammon#mammon obey me#om! leviathan#levi obey me#leviathan obey me#lucifer obey me
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It Lives Within | Chapter 19: Three, Two, One, Fun | Choices
It Lives Within Home Page
Choices may vary based on if Noah or ILITW MC survived.
For convenience sake, ILITW MC will be referred to as "Devon". ILB MC will be referred to as “Harper”.
Note: I don’t have a “Low Score” run yet. I have pretty high nerve/relationship scores with everyone on all my playthroughs. Amalia came back for all of my MCs, so far, and I don’t know if she doesn’t come back if you have low Nerve/Relationship points. So I’m probably gonna be missing some options and things in the coming chapters until I get the courage to be mean to people in a video game lol
Choice 1
I refuse to lose hope. (CONNOR Nerve +5)
There is no going back from this. (CONNOR Nerve -10)
(MC Nerve -3)
Choice 2
That’s horrible. (+ABEL, +AMALIA)
That makes sense. (+JOCELYN, +LINCOLN)
Choice 3 - Amalia Returned
Thanks for the help. (AMALIA Nerve +2)
I wasn’t alone, I had Connor. (No effect)
You don’t get to make jokes right now. (AMALIA Nerve -3)
Choice 4
You have nothing to apologize for. (No effect)
I forgive you. (No effect)
Okay. (No effect)
Choice 5
I care about you too.❤️ (+AMALIA)
I’m grateful to have you. (+AMALIA)
It doesn’t change anything. (No effect)
(AMALIA Nerve +7)
Choice 6
Kiss her.❤️ (+AMALIA) - only appears if romancing Amalia
Hug her. (+AMALIA)
Leave. (No effect)
Choice 7 You get to do all the options, this just determines the order.
Get food for “Devon” and Noah (and ILITW LI).
Play carnival games with Amalia and Jocelyn. (Go to Choice 9)
Go on a thrill ride with Abel and Lincoln. (Go to Choice 12)
Choice 8 - “Devon” and Noah
The funnel cake. (No effect)
The giant hotdog. (No effect)
The caramel popcorn. (No effect)
Choice 9 - Amalia and Jocelyn
That was nice of you. (No effect)
Can you win me a prize? (No effect)
We should be watching the crowd. (No effect)
Choice 10 - Amalia and Jocelyn
How about a good-luck kiss?❤️ (+AMALIA)
Good luck! (No effect)
You don’t need luck when you have ammo. (No effect)
Choice 11 - Amalia and Jocelyn
You’re a heartstopper.❤️ (+JOCELYN)
Could have fooled me. (No effect)
Choice 12 - Abel and Lincoln
It’s nice to see you getting along. (No effect)
Is this the twilight zone? (No effect)
That story is disgusting. (No effect)
Choice 13 - Abel and Lincoln
Definitely! (No effect)
I’ll just watch. (LORE DOC)
Choice 14 - Abel and Lincoln
Yell at the top of my lungs! (MC Nerve +1)
Squeeze Lincoln’s hand! (+LINCOLN)
Squeeze Abel’s hand! (+ABEL)
Choice 15
There is someone… (No effect)
Actually, I don’t feel that way about anyone. (No effect)
What about you?❤️ (No effect)
Choice 16
Abel.
Amalia. (Go to Choice 21) (AMALIA Nerve +5)
Jocelyn. (Go to Choice 25)
Lincoln. (Go to Choice 32) (LINCOLN Nerve +5)
Check out the food vendors alone. (Chapter End)
Choice 17 - Abel
Pretend to be scared.❤️ (+ABEL)
Distract him. (+ABEL)
Do nothing. (No effect)
Choice 18 - Abel This Choice is timed!
Scream! (No effect)
Do nothing. (No effect)
Flirt with the clown. (No effect)
If time runs out, you Scream!
(ABEL Nerve +5)
Choice 19 - Abel (Only appears if romancing Abel)
Kiss him back.❤️ (No effect)
Pull away.💔 (-ABEL) (ABEL Nerve -7) (Chapter End)
Choice 20 - Abel (Only appears if romancing Abel)
Definitely!❤️ (sexy choices and then Chapter End)
Definitely! (fade to black)❤️ (Chapter End)
Not today. (Chapter End)
Choice 21 - Amalia
Dance sensually with her.❤️ (+AMALIA) - only appears if romancing Amalia
Dance in a friendly manner. (+AMALIA)
Choice 22 - Amalia (Only appears if romancing Amalia)
Kiss her.❤️ (No effect)
Tell her she’s your best friend.💔 (Chapter End)
Choice 23 - Amalia (Only appears if romancing Amalia)
Make out in Amalia’s car.❤️ (No effect)
Keep dancing. (Chapter End)
Choice 24 - Amalia (Only appears if romancing Amalia)
Absolutely!❤️ (sexy choices and then Chapter End)
Absolutely (fade to black).❤️ (Chapter End)
Cuddle instead. (Chapter End)
Choice 25 - Jocelyn (Only appears if romancing Jocelyn)
Hold her hand.❤️ (No effect)
Let her hold onto your wrist. (No effect)
Choice 26 - Jocelyn (Only appears if romancing Jocelyn)
Kiss her.❤️ (No effect)
Get off the Ferris wheel. (-JOCELYN) (JOCELYN Nerve -3) (Chapter End)
Choice 27 - Jocelyn Slow Burn (Only appears if romancing Jocelyn)
I want you.❤️ (sexy choices)
I want you. (fade to black)❤️ (No effect)
I’d rather stay here. (No effect)
Choice 28 - Jocelyn Friends w/ Benefit (Only appears if romancing Jocelyn)
Let’s do it.❤️ (sexy choices/i>)
Let’s do it. (fade to black)❤️ (No effect)
I’m not feeling it today. (No effect)
Choice 29 - Jocelyn (Only appears if romancing Jocelyn)
I’m here for you. (No effect)
Need a distraction? (No effect)
What’s on your mind? (No effect)
Slow Burn - (Chapter End)
Choice 30 - Jocelyn Friends w/ Benefit (Only appears if romancing Jocelyn)
Confused. (No effect)
Blindsided. (No effect)
Happy.❤️ (No effect)
Choice 31 - Jocelyn Friends w/ Benefit (Only appears if romancing Jocelyn)
I care about you too.❤️ (No effect) (Chapter End)
I only like you as a hookup.💔 (-JOCELYN) (JOCELYN Nerve -7) (Chapter End)
Choice 32 - Lincoln (Only appears if romancing Lincoln)
Kiss him back.❤️ (No effect)
Pull away.💔 (LINCOLN Nerve -5) (Chapter End)
Choice 33 - Lincoln (Only appears if romancing Lincoln)
Absolutely!❤️ (sexy choices and then Chapter End)
Absolutely (fade to black).❤️ (Chapter End)
Not today. (Chapter End)
Chapter 19 Complete
5 out of 6 Collectibles Found 9 out of 9 Lore Docs Found
<< It Lives Within Choices: Index
< Chapter 18: Kindred Spirits
> Chapter 20: No Way Home
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have some random stuff about my It Lives actor au:
Holly Chang is the writer/director for it. its the story she tells rcd mc she's been thinking of directing herself at the end of rcd book 3
originally there was no romance at all (besides Lily and Brittney, but they were never planned to be endgame) but the studio heads insisted that it should have some bc all the good teen tv shows do. so Holly wrote rough outlines for romance scenes between Devon and all the other characters bc she didn't know which would work best, & then had the actors just do what felt most natural when filming to figure it out. Devon's actor has a decent amount of chemistry w everyone, but his chemistry w Noah's actor was the best, plus a Devon/Noah romance added the most to the story
the studio heads didn't like the Devon/Noah ship, but Holly stood firm w it being them or nothing, so they eventually relented and let it be subtext
speaking of Noah, his actor is the only one i have a name for lol her name is Nikki and she transitions between seasons <3 Holly would have written Noah being trans into the story, but they weren't able to get season 3 greenlit
by that studio. a few years later, a different, smaller streaming service buys the rights to the series and makes the third season
Nikki & Devon's actor do have feelings for each other irl but they're pretty awkward about it bc they think the other thinks it was just a showmance
for the most part, the season 1 friend gang are all pretty new to acting, or this is their first time in such a big role. the guy playing Connor is the most experienced out of all of them
the monsters are all done with practical effects, with only minimal cgi to enhance them
there are three different actors who play Redfield, one as the original Mr Red, one as Jane, and one as Devon (who also plays normal Human Devon of course)
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Title: And They Were Roommates Pt. 2
A/N: Safe sex is a priority, right along with consent. @itlivesproject does a good job of addressing this with each of their LIs. Then, a thought occurred to me: Amalia would have no reason to have condoms on her. Thus, the sequel to the roommates series was born. Read the first part here. It's unnecessary to understand the plot of this story, but the joke will land better if you read that one first lol
Pairing(s): Amalia x MC (Rowan, M); Connor x Devon (implied)
Summary: Amalia and Rowan hit a roadblock during their first time together.
nsfw below (nothing too explicit, but sex is implied), minors dni
---
"I can't believe we're finally doing this," Rowan gasped between kisses, his hold on Amalia's waist tightening.
"Me neither," she moaned into his mouth.
The two had been sparring, weaving around each other when Rowan caught what would've been a painful left hook to the jaw with his hand. They froze, the tension in the air growing thicker with each passing second. His heart pounded heavily in his chest as her eyes flickered to his mouth. The next thing he knew, he was yanking her wrist to crash his lips against hers.
They stumbled back inside the cabin to their bedroom, lips never separating. Amalia let out a small yelp as they fell onto the bed. He took advantage of her parted lips by slipping his tongue into her mouth, groaning as it brushed against hers. Eager to feel his skin, she tugged at the hem of his shirt.
Taking the hint, he pulled away just long enough to strip off his shirt, removing hers as well. He shifted his body to trap her between his knees. Tentatively, her hands slid down his bare chest. His breath hitched, muscles tensing as her fingers grazed just above his belt. "Lia, are you sure?" he whispered, moving his hand to caress her face.
"I am," she answered, gazing warmly at her best friend. "I want this. I want you." She placed her hand above his, a silent gesture to show her trust. Any hesitation he had left disappeared. He bent down to kiss her slowly, a sharp contrast from the desperation he had outside the cabin. He took his time to savor the feel of her lips. Lips that would quirk up any time he made a joke that only she could hear. Lips that soothed him back to sleep whenever he woke up screaming. Lips that were so beautiful that he didn't know how he waited this long to kiss them.
After a long moment, they pulled apart to catch their breath. He rested his forehead on hers, eyes still closed. "In case you couldn't tell," he rasped, voice hoarse, "I want you too." That earned him a light chuckle. Her laugh morphed into a shuddered gasp as his mouth descended to her neck. He nipped and sucked at her skin experimentally, taking note of how her body reacted. Finding a particularly sensitive area, he focused his efforts there.
"Ro," she moaned, her head clouding with pleasure. She threaded her fingers through his hair, pulling at it slightly. He groaned into her neck, sucking harder. Needing to relieve the ache growing between his legs, his hips rocked into her seeking friction. She felt foggy, the warmth of his lips and the weight of his body on hers consuming her every thought. She would've lost herself in his touch if she hadn't felt something hard press against her thigh. Her eyes shot open, suddenly remembering something very important.
"Ro," she whispered, tugging at his hair harder to get his attention.
"Mmm," he hummed, too distracted with kissing her neck to hear the urgency in her voice.
"Ro," she said louder this time, moving her hand to nudge at his shoulder. He only gripped her sides tighter, thinking that she was moaning his name in pleasure.
"ROWAN!"
"Wha-?" His head finally snapped up with a panicked look on his face. "What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?"
"No. It's not that," she hurriedly explained, "it's just..." she trailed off.
"Just what?" He propped himself up with his elbows to get a better look at her face.
"We don't have any condoms," she huffed, disappointed that they'd have to stop.
"Shit," he muttered to himself. His eyes darted back and forth, widening when an idea popped into his head. "Stay right there," he kissed her hard on the mouth before bolting out of their room.
He sprinted across the hall, banging urgently on Connor and Devon's bedroom door. After one too many seconds, Devon opened the door. "Alright, calm down. What's- woah."
"I need a condom," he blurted out breathlessly.
The momentary shock from seeing her almost naked roommate faded. Laughing, she couldn't help but tease him. "Oh, do you now?"
"Make fun of me later, woman! Do you have condoms?"
"What do you think?" She gave him a pointed look.
"I think I've walked in on you and Connor fucking one too many times for you to be screwing with me right now," he sassed back.
"No one forced you to eat that sandwich in the dark," she grumbled, rolling her eyes as she walked over to her bedside table. "Here," she tossed him an entire roll of condoms.
"Do we really need this many?"
"Depends how good you are in bed," she smirked, giving him a playful wink.
"Don't you two need these?" He asked, examining the roll of condoms in his hands.
"Trust me. We have plenty. Now, run along. It's rude to keep a lady waiting," she shooed him out the door.
---
Later that evening, Connor and Devon sat side by side in bed. He read a book while she listened to music with her headphones.
"Babe, do you hear that?"
"Hm?" She took out an earbud, "Hear what?"
"I don't know. It almost sounds like... thumping?" Her lips quirked up with a knowing grin. Looks like Ro does have skills, she thought to herself.
"Must be the wind," she answered simply before putting her earbuds back in.
---
~end of side story~
Amalia is: satisfied
Rowan is: very satisfied
Connor is: for once, not embarrassed
#ilw#ilw fanfic#it lives within#playchoices#choices#it lives series#it lives project#it lives beneath#it lives in the woods#ilitw#ilb#it lives anthology#amalia x mc#amalia de león#connor green#connor x mc#the epic tales of debauchery continue#in another world these four would live a whacky sitcom lifestyle#my fic#n*fw
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Revelations
Word Count: 1332
Castor Athantis (ILW MC) x Abel Flint
A/N: I've had this written for a bit and forgot to actually post it on here. Wanted to hop on the It Lives Within angst train that was the Chapter 16 ending (thanks @itlivesproject). As such MASSIVE spoilers for Chapter 16 under the cut.
Castor had never heard the cabin this silent. In the three weeks they'd been living there, there always seemed to be some sort of noise. Connor out back in the shed, Noah in the kitchen, someone in the living room watching TV or reading, everyone laughing at the table, Val's ghost humming outside, Amalia breathing next to them.
But now it was like the woods itself was holding its breath. Castor stood at the front of the living room, arms folded around themself and with a bruising grip on their upper arms. Their friends sat and stood throughout the room facing Cas and every single one of them was wearing a blank look of shock. Castor had no idea how any of them were feeling because no one would meet their eyes.
"How can you be sure?" Connor asked, his voice quiet but in the silence, it cracked like a whip.
"I just am," Castor muttered. "I doubted it at first too, I mean Fake Annie was the one to confirm it and I don't trust her at all. But after what Val said when he was freaking out I figured it out on my own. And once I did it all just…clicked. I just knew it was right, I could feel it."
"So you're not…" Amalia's voice shook and she cleared her throat but it still broke when she spoke again. "You're not Castor?"
"I am but I'm not," Castor sighed. "I am Castor, I have all their memories, I think like them, I feel like them, I look like them obviously. But in the sense of like, having their soul, no. No, I'm not."
"Oh God," Amalia buried her face in her hands and Castor took half a step toward her to comfort her before thinking better of it. "What happened to them then? Are you possessing them?!"
Cas hesitated. They all had the right to know, Amalia better than anyone. But how could they just admit that they'd unknowingly stolen someone's life after they died, leaving no one to grieve them because no one even knew they were gone? How did they justify that?
"Answer the question," Jocelyn snapped and Castor flinched. They dropped their arms but their hands were clenched into fists so tightly they wouldn't be surprised if their nails managed to break the skin. When they answered, they stared firmly at the floor.
"Castor Athantis is dead," They finally confessed. "I didn't know until now. But they died with the rest of their family."
Amalia finally let out a sob and Castor squeezed their eyes shut against tears of their own. She probably hated them now. And who could blame her? They were walking around puppeteering her best friend's corpse. They'd stolen the life the real or first Castor should have been living! They stole Castor’s best friend, their future, their potential for love, their hopes, their dreams, their grief, their memories.
But even if they weren't Cas they were. They stole those things but it wasn't on purpose! They didn't even know! And now their best friend who may not even really be their friend was sobbing and there wasn't a damn thing they could do about it because it was their fault in the fucking first place!
Or was it?
They didn't know! They didn't fucking know who they were anymore! All of this was messy and fucked up and confusing and they just wanted to scream and cry and throw things because none of this was FAIR! They finally start rebuilding a life where they're happy after five years only to learn it was never theirs to rebuild.
They looked up at the sound of footsteps, expecting to see Amalia leaving or approaching or something but instead, the person silently leaving the cabin was…Abel? Castor glanced at Amalia only for her to lean away from them and Castor made a strangled noise from trying to swallow a sob.
"I'm sorry, Amalia," Cas whispered before they turned and left the cabin, with only the hope that they'd be allowed to come back.
When they got outside they saw Abel standing in the middle of the yard, running his hands through his hair. His shoulders were a tense line, every muscle tight. Castor couldn't see his face but they weren't sure they wanted to.
Amalia's rejection made it feel like their life was falling apart. Not in an "Oh I might not get into the college I wanted" way, but in the same way they felt, no, the way they remembered the real Castor feeling while their family was being ripped apart. Their entire world shattered around them, leaving only Castor's cyan eye in broken glass. When they had nothing, less than nothing, they still had Amalia. They always had Amalia. And now…they didn't. She was just gone. She'd rejected them.
They couldn't handle Abel rejecting them too.
"Abel?" Cas prompted quietly and Abel stiffened even further. "Are you okay?"
"I don't know," Abel admitted. "I don't even know if I can tell you."
"Of course, you can," Castor promised and Abel finally turned to look at them. "I'm still your Cas. You've only known me as me. Everything I've ever told you was real. Everything I feel is real. I-I'm still a person. A person created by the Power, but a person."
"But you aren't just some person the Power gave life to or brought back," Abel argued. "You are the Power. You are literally the Power incarnate. How am I supposed to just suddenly accept that? The Power has been destroying my family's lives for generations. It killed my grandmother, my parents, it almost killed me!"
"Abel-" Castor tried but Abel interrupted them.
"How am I supposed to see anything else when I look at you?"
It was like Castor’s heart stopped beating.
"I'd never hurt you," Castor swore. "Th-that wasn't me, Abel, I swear. The Power isn't sentient it didn't want to hurt your family. It isn't malicious. I-I don't know why exactly it did the things it did but it's a neutral force. And even then I'm just a piece of the Power, not the Power itself. I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't want it to hurt anybody. I'd never hurt you, Abel, I swear on the Power itself. You have to believe me, please-"
In some sort of desperation, Castor reached for Abel's hands as they had a million times before. It was a safe thing for both of them, something reassuring and warm and loving. It was something so personal to their relationship that was just instinct for Castor to reach for his hands, both to reassure him and to reassure themself. But Abel's hands moved and he took a step back, stopping Castor in their tracks. No. No, please.
"Abel?" Castor breathed and Abel didn't meet their eyes.
"I'm sorry, Cas," Abel muttered and Castor felt the tears finally spill over.
"Oh," Castor tried to take a breath as their hands fell, returning to fists at their sides.
"I'm sorry, I just can't right now," Abel apologized again and Castor shook their head.
"I understand," They replied. "I think maybe…maybe I should go."
After all, they had nowhere to be. They couldn't be at the cabin with Amalia. They couldn't go to Abel's apartment and they doubted they could go to Lincoln or Jocelyn's. They didn't have the money for a motel and Westchester Community College didn't have dorms.
So for now, they turned and just started walking in a random direction, following their instincts until they realized they were heading right for the heart of the woods. But maybe that was where they should be. The source of the Power. They didn't belong here, not really. They never did. So, until they were needed, they'd just…go.
"Where are you going to go?" Abel called to them as they reached the tree line. Castor stopped.
"I have no idea," The Anchor answered.
So, with nothing left to say, they returned to the woods.
#it lives within#it lives#ilw#itlives within fic#ilw fic#ilw spoilers#it lives within spoilers#ilw mc#it lives within mc#abel flint#abel flint x mc
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seeing all the absolutely MESSY love square potential for the ilitw crew in the redfieldmc route and grinning bc at this point in time everyone is basically at the same level as eo. i have a playthrough for EVERY ilitw LI in the redfieldmc route except for connor (i love him however i personally do not want to experience his nerve going down and potentially dying or worse bc of ilwmc pushing the noahmc agenda. living vicariously through other people's screenshots for that one 😳 also i am using that save option JUDICIOUSLY bc of this i am now on page SIXTY 💀) and i have a mental ranking of each one of them based the criteria of what the FUCK they're doing to bring mc back. noah unsurprisingly is number 1. ava was the sole second but then dan came in with the steel chair so NOW they're tied. lucas andy and stacy are all tied for third and im mentally poking them with a stick to do SOMETHING bc they WILL end up getting their bf/gf stolen at this rate. im manifesting a last minute big showing for them next chapter bc if they don't. oh my girl WOULD get their ass for not even doing the bare minimum (and in stacy's case. it's even worse. her BROTHER did more for her love than she did 💀 dan deserves to steal her girl fr with the amount of research he apparently did – that lucas BETTER have joined in on in his route i can't have my main man slacking like this 😭). i would make all of them have an endgame (which makes it three for each playthrough. one for the LI one for noah and one for dan. stem prepped me to categorize everything meticulously but good god. i would have over two hundred saves by the end of this — not even considering the abel/mc/lincoln hoe route, the abelmc matthiasmc route that would be SO messy i have no idea why no one is mentioning the betrayal in this case bc abel ADORES this man and he goes in like a dilf and goes for the person they're falling for like hello? 😬 and the lincolnmc matthiasmc route that would simply be the definition of explosive. the clean routes i have for each LI are already part of the first sets i started bc i am in love with them but damn. i need an excel chart to keep up 💀) but their rankings would be the basis of whether or not i would go full throttle on the angst for their secondary route before i let them resolve things in a narratively satisfying manner (while ilbmc is simply living their best life and ilwmc also if she's not dodging the hoe allegations. ilitwmc poster child for why you should NEVER be so awesome that almost half ur friend group is in love with you at any given time 💀). mc choosing someone at the end of this unexpected ilitw bachelor would make my heart hurt for the other two losers but i KNOW i would be enjoying it the whole time alongside the main ilwmc romances. ilitw gang best friend group of all time i love them so much which is why i cannot help but put them in situations. this got absolutely lengthy and actually longer than some of my assignment answers but i wanted to cover all my bases so sorry for the one who gets to read this wall of text i simply got so excited 😁 this story lives rent free in my mind and whatever happens i cant wait to see how it would turn out for everybody in the cast it's been an honor playing your game 🥰❣️
PS: when i saw the dan romance option the image of redfieldmc's LI kicking noah's ass while dan sneaked in with his steel chair and stolen mc right under their noses went to mind 😭 the other two were all pikachu face it was hysterical. i cant WAIT for the absolute mess redfieldmc's love life is going to be. their staying power (which is especially miraculous given yt fmc's looks. asian fmc face ure pretty and my baby girl but black fmc outpaces you in the face card department) is UNMATCHED
LMFAOOOOOO this is so 😭😭😭 first of all PAGE 60 on SAVES???? u are so brave idk how you filter through all of that😭 also yeah the ilitw drama is very eh hem,,, dramatic!!?!! but i’m glad ur enjoying it!!! and im sure you’ll like the next chapter very much ! for reasons i will not say hehe 🤭
(ps im glad u see my vision🤭🖤)
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Is drake garbage? Yes. But is he worse than Ramsay? Jake? All the other boring white men who I am thankfully forgetting right now? I need to know your official ranking of worst male lis. I need to.
ooooh ok im thinking rn of who is where…. ok so this is from worst to best. <33 ill put them under the cut.
connor. creep who hangs around high schools… why does he canonically have like no friends his age?
drake is second because ik we think hes a gold digging misogynist and he is those two things… at least mc is an appropriate age for him.
parker. bitch boy. hate his existence.
cassius. worst li in acor which isn’t honestly that bad as the others r all top tier.
ethan is lower bc oph 1 + half of oph2 r god-tier so his good series makes up for him being a freak.
chris from tf. so many issues and expected mc to deal with them like she was his therapist. its not my fault ur father never came back chris.
michael from hss shouldn’t be on this list at all. love him <333. so i’m putting wes here in his place. an insufferable creep who looked 45 when he should be 18. autumn has shit judgement who would pick him over julian????
thomas hunt. I HATE HIM.
simon from std. hate him purely bc everyone was putting his ass on a pedestal while dragging my mans justin. simon ur literally bland. the personification of the colour beige.
flynn from vos. gave me nightmares. also how u hate cops and then u become one???? where r ur morals man 😟
ugly bartending dude from roe. the one drake was based off of. he’s here bc thanks to him drake existed. he’s in hell rn.
jake from es. sean supremacy <33 hated him bc i always took sean’s side on everything. also i hated the weird lil nickname he gave mc like i don’t like u??? we not that close bro 😟
dom from tc&tf. boring sorry. also ugly but he’s not annoying ig. thats why he’s low.
ernest sinclaire. remember nothing abt him which is a good sign. he’s slightly ugly tho but he’s british it’s not his fault x
sawyer. cute?? i didn’t finish bsc. no issues with him. hate his dad tho.
elliot from ptr. forgettable. didn’t do anything bad besides be british which is why he’s here.
that white dude from bachelorette party. reed? boring but rich. no issues with him ig. i read it more so for the female friendships.
the guy from wishful thinking. audrey? cute. also forgettable. was nothing next to anna and jaime.
male avery from platinum. also british but sweet. so he’s low.
nate from sunkissed was acc so cute. i romanced him and he was so sweet, a lil cringy but i can deal.
nathan from tf. idc i love him <33 rich white bitch of a man but he acknowledges that and he also almost rid the world of tyler aka the most annoying side character in tf.
beckett. annoying in te2 but cute in te1… i love him srry 🤣 also teh book cover vers of him ATE.
grayson from hero. soo sweet but he was the victim to the sexy kenji and the sexier eva. how was he meant to thrive with such hot competition…. 💔
MARK FROM LOVEHACKS CAN DO NOOO WRONG <333333 LOVE U MARK FROM LOVEHACKS TEXT ME <3333
#yes im british yes im a proud britphobe yes we exist#tell me if u agree#i think i got everyone??#jade answers
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Sooo….I kinda feel like everyone loves Azriel simply because we don’t really know him…. Like, his backstory is super interesting, and he has that whole “tall,dark and mysterious” thing going on, but I feel like the fandom loves the version they’ve created of him. Which is fine, but I think we have to acknowledge that SJM is kinda good at ruining her characters. *cough* Rhysand *cough* Feyre *cough* Tamlin….and I could go on. I fear that if we get a book where Azriel is a main, everyone will be disappointed.
That is a totally fair and valid fear!
I do agree that's probably a reason why people love him. The other reason is because Az is your standard "sad boi", and A LOT of people, especially readers, seem to love a good sad boi. Or, at least, a lot of readers in my life do. 👀 Personally, I don't. I fell in love with Cassian basically the moment we met him and have never faltered - that's my type. I've posted about it, but my three biggest SJM world crushes are Cassian, Connor Holstrom, and Aedion Ashryver (don't get me wrong, I do looooove Rowan, but Aedion was the one that just had me like 'awwww 😍😊'). So, like, yeah...and while, yes, there's obvs a physical aspect to that, in reading, that's not what makes you fall in love. And those three definitely also have very similar vibes, especially Cassian and Aedion, who can both have some comic relief aspect, and are happier bois.
Anyway, enough about me, the point is that a lot of people seem drawn to the sad boi type, too, whether they can help it or not. And hey, we all have our trauma that makes us like what we like, so def. no judgment from me on that.
As for being afraid she'll ruin his character, I get where you're coming from. Especially after reading the Bonus chapter because, I'll admit, I was disappointed in what we saw from Az in his mind.
That being said, SJM loves Az, so at least, if she does ruin him, it won't be purposeful, similarly to Rhys. But, I also think that she has a lot of room to help him grow. SJM, in my opinion, hasn't ruined characters when they were the main. I mean, for the first three books Feyre was really the only MC, with a bit of Rhys POV at times, and we loved Rhys so much! And some of us loved Feyre...I was iffy on her at times, cause she's always been just a bit too perfect, but I def. never hated her, and I often did like her.
However, I know a number of people that hated Nesta before ACOSF, and after it were like "shit, this badass is queeeeen". Which, yes, accurate, how dare you not figure it out sooner. 👀 And while Cassian could have had more development, and been a bit better, I didn't feel like he got ruined in ACOSF either. Even with his flaws, I still ended up loving him more. I need a man like that...one that'll wait for me and fight for me, like, ughhhh...seriously, can I have one??
But, yeah, SJM didn't really ruin Rhys until ACOSF, and we finally saw him through eyes that didn't have a "Rhys is the best" filter. It probably also didn't help that we fell in love with Nesta and so many of us relate to her in one way or another. But, we also have to remember that there are people out there who still don't like Nesta, and they don't feel Rhys was ruined. It's okay to be wrong sometimes. My point with that is that, in the end, it'll be as much about ourselves, what we related to and how we see those actions. Me, I saw a male who couldn't be sympathetic to a struggling female, and held her to a double standard and couldn't forgive her for the things she did years ago when she was basically a child, and nothing she could do would be enough. Not even literally save his brother's life. And yet, he'd forgive the other sister even though she did less than Nesta did when they were humans, isn't the one who attempted to get Feyre back from the Fae lands (I mean, seriously, does no one in the book remember that Nesta traveled to the f*ing wall as a human to try and get Feyre back?!), and did very little during the war. Not trying to insult E\ain, just pointing out what happened and how Rhys is holding a double standard, forgiving one sister solely because she's "nice" and hating the other, most likely because Nesta was representing on the outside what everyone else was feeling on the inside. And, Rhys is your typical WASP - you hide those emotions, you do not show flaws in public, outside your home everything is fine, repress repress repress.
Okay, sorry, Rhys rant over, and if anyone was ever curious where I stood on Rhys (and hadn't seen other posts where I def. brought it up), now you know. I'm not sorry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
So, while I understand the fear, and that feeling is totally valid, I'll say I'm not super concerned. Because SJM is good at putting us in the perspective of who she's writing from, and that will hopefully help us long-term in his book, even if maybe at the beginning it's rough cause Az hates himself.
My biggest fear is definitely more that we'll be disappointed because we all like Az (or love for some) and many of us are likely building up this potential story in our heads a lot - kinda like what you said about the fandom making our own Az. Or reading fics doing the same. I won't deny, that's probably my biggest fear. It's not that she'll ruin Az, but just that she'll do things differently, and I may be a bit disappointed...esp. if she doesn't make Gwyn the dom. 👀 After reading a fic with femdom Gwyn (not super BDSM, just, like, she's the dom in the relationship), I can't not want that...so, like, SJM, plz. I know it's probs not gonna happen, she writes relationships where the guy is the top, BUT IT COULD!
And, if it doesn't, then she better f*ing make E\ain the dom to Lucien's sub...I'm sorry, but considering her personality outside of the bedroom, it's just so right, and we need a femdom relationship in her world.
So, yeah. I get your fear. It's fair. The fanon version of Az does exist, for sure. I think canon Az is likely going to be darker, for sure, at least at the beginning, which is going to be difficult but really put us on a true journey. But, in the end, it also might be something we have to check ourselves on, because it wouldn't be fair to SJM for us to be disappointed because we created something we love with her character, and then she showed us that the character she created is different.
I understand, I feel you. But don't worry too much. <3 I will just leave you with a little nugget from the true nugget, Newt Scamander:
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Here's my review on the deh movie (spoilers ahead.)
In my honest opinion, the best words that i have to describe how i feel about the movie is that it is better than the in the heights movie. And i say that as someone who has always hated deh and my favorite musical ever is in the heights. The movie isn't perfect but, dare i say i enjoyed it.
I expected it to be super bad because of the white washing, the bad reviews, the story, and Ben Platt existing. And I'm not excusing any of those things (i pirated the movie I'll put the link at the bottom of this post) but I was pleasantly surprised. When you do an adaptation, you're supposed to improve the story to the best of your ability and i think that's what they did here. It wasn't all good though so let me go through the bad.
The bad:
Ben Platt??? Hello??? Honey, we know you can sing. You've got good albums and your performance in the obc was good, so what's going on here? It's such a rare occurrence to get someone from the obc into the movie, AS THE SAME ROLE! Not to mention he was talking so much shit beforehand talk about "I'm the best for the role" this that and the other, so why he didn't put his everything into the movie? It was mainly in the first half of the movie for some reason he was like "let me sing real soft".
As for the thing about his age, it's really not that noticeable imo. I think the hair isn't doing him justice. The hair aged him 60 years for some reason. Tbh i have no opinion on the hair, makeup, and costumes throughout the whole movie. They weren't great, they were boring. There weren't anything really.
... except for Connor Murphy. His design was HORRIBLE! Instead of putting him in all black like how he is in the obc, they decided to go with dark blue? He was wearing like a dark blue blazer, a dark t-shirt, and dark jeans. Like honey what? The fact that he had such a straight boy haircut but then his finger nails were painted black and he had a ring was just. smh.
The acting of everyone in general wasn't good either. Which is weird, because i know these people are good actors 🤔 so what gives? Especially Connor Murphy's acting. It was really bad lol
Waving through a window. There's a lot to unpack here. 1. THEY HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO ACTUALLY GIVE DEAR EVAN HANSEN IN OPENING NUMBER AND THEY STILL DIDN'T DO IT. LIKE REALLY? Does anybody have a map was NEVER AN ACTUAL OPENING NUMBER! An opening number is supposed to set up the plot. It's supposed to introduce us to the setting and the characters. Anybody have a map didn't do that and NEITHER DOES waving through a window. Starting the movie with waving through a window doesn't make sense really. Originally, waving through a window happens after Evan has been pushed. It's really dramatic and super cool. It makes sense that it would be there in the story versus starting the movie off like that. SHOW! DON'T! TELL! Originally you show us why Evan is the way he is but in the movie you just tell us that he's really nervous. It's not deserved. Ben Platt is singing super quietly throughout the whole song and when the ensemble is singing they don't look like they're singing. This had me confused throughout the whole entire movie. If people were aware of Evan singing or if they weren't. (This is why having an opening number is so important! You set up the world!) Not to mention that they do that modern shit. They tried to put a modern spin on waving through window just like how there's a modern spin on all the songs in the heights movie. (I hate that shit it sounds horrible.)
The movie felt too serious? There weren't many jokes. Like the opening of the musical is supposed to be a joke but in the movie they don't write it as a joke. (You can also tell how desperately they're trying to cover how old Platt is by just showing his eyes lol.)
Why is Larry the stepdad. I made this complaint when it was revealed to us and it's still a valid one. It didn't further the plot, AT ALL! IT HAD LITERALLY NO EFFECT!
I feel like everyone in this movie should have been gay. Everyone felt gay. Alana with her outfits, Zoe cuffing her jeans, jarred actually being gay and Ben platt's gayness shined though in his performance. And of course, there's Connor.
I think they should have been more dramatic. I'm supposed to believe that Evan is poor but he he lives in a two story house. (I'm not saying poor people can't live in a 2 story house lol I'm just saying). Evan's room in the movie is bigger than mine for Christ sakes. Put the Murphy's in a MC mansion or something ya know? Make there house bigger.
I hate hate HATE how they put an instrumental of good for you and anybody have a map at the beginning of the movie. I hated it when they did that shit in the ith movie, and nothing has changed. It's the worst way to tease a fan, ever.
What I liked:
The movie was different from the musical...but in a good way. I don't hate the changes they made to the original story. To me it feels like it's a whole different vibe. The musical has always been about Evan but I just feel like in the movie they focus more on him. You're not having Jared or Connor getting shoved on your throat every 5 seconds. The original made me feel icky because you were constantly being reminded of how shitty Evan is (as you should) but it wasn't enjoyable. We're raised from a young age to know what's wrong and what's right. And imo, I can never enjoy a piece of media where the story you know something is bad the whole way through. (Uncharted 4 for example). You have to have duality. You have to have a perfect balance of it feeling wrong and right at the same time. And that's how the movie felt for me. The movie was very well made. Cutting the songs that they cut really made all the world of a difference. Imo i really helped (and that's saying something because i LOVE disappear and to break in a glove.) The new songs are good. I significantly like Alana's character more. She came off as annoying in the original but now she's more genuine imo. I absolutely LOVE how they went really slow with the romance between Evan and Zoe. I don't think they even kiss in the movie (which is GREAT! WE STAN NOT MAKING OUT ON YOUR DEAD BROTHER'S BED!) But at the end of if i can tell her we can see Zoe leaning in for a kiss. I liked how they added that. Speaking of things they added, THE ENDING! 👏👏👏 YES SIR. AS THEY SHOULD. It was so cool to see that because one of the main criticisms when it comes to dear Evan Hansen is the fact that he faces no consequences. So for the creators of dear Evan Hansen to take that criticism and actually apply it to the adaptation, is so insanely cool. (It's bare minimum but I've never seen anyone do it before) it's such a better ending to see Evan take responsibility, and to improve as a person. (It was cool to see some elements of the book brought into the movie but at the same time. Where Miguel. Make Connor gay!)
#long post#deh#dear evan hansen movie#dear evan hansen#deh movie#mic gives opinion#mic does analysis#ith#in the heights#deh movie spoilers#deh movie review
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